The international difference between men and women is extraordinary. Day by day it amazes me the way that sexes are treated differently. Politically it's incorrect to assume someone's gender according to their career, but that expectation has not carried over to behavior patterns. Men can get away with murder over and over agin, while women take so much heat over the tiniest things. The word "whore" is applied to women easily and flippantly. Men, however, can practice the exact same behavior and all they get is a high five and a "right on, man" from their buddies. Ridiculous. The male culture is absolutely absurd.
I work at a cafe, and today I was scheduled to clean the dining room, collect dirty dishes and wash them. When assigned the task, my male manager asked, "Do you know how to wash dishes?" To avoid responding in an offended manner I simply said, "Of course, I'm a woman." He promptly freaked out and informed me of the following: "We don't even joke like that here." Um... right. I wasn't joking. But whatever, dude. If he wants to defend women's honor to the death, that's all him. I'm just being honest! Women do dishes like rock stars. And we know it.
About twenty minutes later I was out in the dining room cleaning tables and other such nonsense. The cafe I work at is highly renowned for it's customer service, so it's expected that we are friendly with the customers out in the dining room. While I was cleaning tables, I saw this man sitting off by himself. I guessed he was about 35 or 40. He had papers scattered around his laptop, pen marks all over his hands, and an empty coffee mug on his table. I made my way over and cleaned the tables around him, casually asking if he was doing alright and if he needed anything. He struck up a conversation and i felt rude walking away so I stood there and chatted for about five minutes. He was really nice and super interesting, so i had no complaints.
After we finished, I walked back in to the kitchen to proceed with the dishes. Two of my three male managers came over to me with smirks on their faces. One of them said, "It's been like thirty minutes, don't you think your customer service is a little excessive?" The other asked, "Did you at least get a phone number?" They joked back and forth about my "promiscuous flirtation with an older man". Are you freaking kidding me? Men can womanize all over the planet and I can't even be friendly to a middle aged man in my cafe?
Our society is out of control. Just because I'm being nice to a man doesn't I want to get with him. Just because I smile doesn't mean I'm into you. I am polite and friendly because I genuinely care about the well being of the people around me. So suck it. Leave me alone. And let me be friendly to whoever I want.
Here's to all the single ladies. Because friendly doesn't always mean promiscuous.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Mr. NCMO
So there's this concept, commonly known as a NCMO (non committal make out), that is socially acceptable in the Highschool and college scene. Let me be real with you for just a second. Where girls are concerned, there is no such thing as "non committal". It doesn't exist. Any boy that thinks a girl is serious when she says "yes, we can make out even though you don't like me. And no, I won't stalk you or become obsessive afterwards" is an idiot. Plain and simple. Boys, you set yourselves up for drama with this one. Don't be stupid. Girls don't do non committal. And the girls that think "this time will be different. This time I won't become a raving lunatic and call him thirty times a day like last time". Seriously? If you even have to say that in the first place, it's a problem. Don't lie to yourselves. Girls can't handle it. Non committal, when translated directly into girl language, is actually a challenge. We agree because we like the guy, and then we continue in hopes that we will get his non committal self to commit. Ha! It's a big fat joke on single people everywhere. Without further ado, it is my pleasure to introduce you to Mr. NCMO.
A little socially awkward, entirely too focused on cuddling, and not at all concerned about your feelings, he's the type to: get your number from someone else instead of asking you, imply that it will probably take you forever to get ready to go out, and delete your number when you express displeasure with him.
This guy was very forward in his flirtation from the beginning. Always interested in catching my attention, but never taking it further, we jostled each other periodically in teasing ways. After about a month of banter, he finally texted me one Sunday afternoon. Such is typical in meeting new boys, we texted a lot. He would suggest that we Skype and talk on the phone in the evenings. Finally, we started making plans to hang out. he spent most of the time saying he wanted to cuddle and he was looking forward to alone time. I've never heard a guy use the word "snuggle" so many times in one sitting. Or lifetime.
The day came for our plans and he decided to bail out. After further prodding, he informed me that I liked him too much. (Apparently he thinks he's a psychic...) He also told me his real intentions were purely physical, and he wanted to avoid awkwardness so I shouldn't come over. The grand finale was letting me know he did like me, but I'm in the running with "a few other girls" so he just... wait for it... wants to "be friends".
He continues to be overly friendly when we crossed paths, but in our last man highlight we decided that single ladies don't play games. No big deal!
Some of the best moments yet:
"I thought you were just going to come make out, and then it would be awkward the next day, and I didn't want to deal with the awkward."
"Oh, so you won't be ready to go for a looong time then, right?"
"I do like you, just not only you. I'm keeping my options open for the other girls."
Here's to all the single ladies. Because we're worth committing to.
A little socially awkward, entirely too focused on cuddling, and not at all concerned about your feelings, he's the type to: get your number from someone else instead of asking you, imply that it will probably take you forever to get ready to go out, and delete your number when you express displeasure with him.
This guy was very forward in his flirtation from the beginning. Always interested in catching my attention, but never taking it further, we jostled each other periodically in teasing ways. After about a month of banter, he finally texted me one Sunday afternoon. Such is typical in meeting new boys, we texted a lot. He would suggest that we Skype and talk on the phone in the evenings. Finally, we started making plans to hang out. he spent most of the time saying he wanted to cuddle and he was looking forward to alone time. I've never heard a guy use the word "snuggle" so many times in one sitting. Or lifetime.
The day came for our plans and he decided to bail out. After further prodding, he informed me that I liked him too much. (Apparently he thinks he's a psychic...) He also told me his real intentions were purely physical, and he wanted to avoid awkwardness so I shouldn't come over. The grand finale was letting me know he did like me, but I'm in the running with "a few other girls" so he just... wait for it... wants to "be friends".
He continues to be overly friendly when we crossed paths, but in our last man highlight we decided that single ladies don't play games. No big deal!
Some of the best moments yet:
"I thought you were just going to come make out, and then it would be awkward the next day, and I didn't want to deal with the awkward."
"Oh, so you won't be ready to go for a looong time then, right?"
"I do like you, just not only you. I'm keeping my options open for the other girls."
Here's to all the single ladies. Because we're worth committing to.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Mr. "I Don't Want To Date You, Really"
If I say his words and his actions conflict in a major way, is there a guy that pops into your head? We all know this guy. I have a life mission to fix every guy like this. One of my favorite things is to see how fast I can make him change his mind about his words. It's kind of a hobby. I don't like to be told no. Actually, I quite detest it. It just gets me even more fired up to change his mind, and make him wrong about us. So, I'd like to introduce you to my toughest case yet. Ladies and gentlemen, please meet Mr. " I Don't Want To Date You, Really".
Great body, an orthopaedic surgeon, and an ego fit to fuel an entire army, he's the type to: call you sexy repeatedly and then inform you that he doesn't want you to date you just as often, ask you to hang out and then invite everyone in his phone book to come join in, and ask for a back scratch... Over and over again...
The first night we met, there was a very obvious tension between us. Things were pretty crazy from the get go. I'd never been flirted with like this. Then, suddenly, he took a complete turn. "I don't want to date you, we're just friends" became his personal mantra. He texted me all day and then called me as soon as he was off work more often than not. He always wanted to hang out. We spent so many late nights talking about deep things like emotions and religion. He was truly concerned about me, in more than a friend way. I could barely handle the mixed signals, and that ever present phrase was always lurking in the shadows.
Being completely head over heels for the guy, I chose to read way too far into everything that happened. It's really hard to unlike someone, and I was pretty dang confidant that I could change his mind. Time and time again I had the same result with him. Finally my ten year old cousin cornered my and informed me: "You like him. He doesn't like you. Why do you want to hang out with him so much?" Wow. Ouch. So i called him, to discuss as friends. And I ended up pouring my heart out. And you know what he said? He said: "You have gotten yourself in to this situation completely on your own, and I will not accept any blame or take part in this at all. I was honest with you the whole time, it's not my fault if you made something up in your head."
And then he said: "But i definitely hope we can still be friends..."
Here are some of his finest moments:
"We're just friends, and that's all we ever will be."
"Will you scratch my back?"
"Just because you're not good enough for me doesn't mean you're not good enough for someone else."
"It's so sexy when you wear those boots with a skirt."
"I feel like such a stud because you're only 19."
Here's to all the single ladies. Because we don't want to play games.
Great body, an orthopaedic surgeon, and an ego fit to fuel an entire army, he's the type to: call you sexy repeatedly and then inform you that he doesn't want you to date you just as often, ask you to hang out and then invite everyone in his phone book to come join in, and ask for a back scratch... Over and over again...
The first night we met, there was a very obvious tension between us. Things were pretty crazy from the get go. I'd never been flirted with like this. Then, suddenly, he took a complete turn. "I don't want to date you, we're just friends" became his personal mantra. He texted me all day and then called me as soon as he was off work more often than not. He always wanted to hang out. We spent so many late nights talking about deep things like emotions and religion. He was truly concerned about me, in more than a friend way. I could barely handle the mixed signals, and that ever present phrase was always lurking in the shadows.
Being completely head over heels for the guy, I chose to read way too far into everything that happened. It's really hard to unlike someone, and I was pretty dang confidant that I could change his mind. Time and time again I had the same result with him. Finally my ten year old cousin cornered my and informed me: "You like him. He doesn't like you. Why do you want to hang out with him so much?" Wow. Ouch. So i called him, to discuss as friends. And I ended up pouring my heart out. And you know what he said? He said: "You have gotten yourself in to this situation completely on your own, and I will not accept any blame or take part in this at all. I was honest with you the whole time, it's not my fault if you made something up in your head."
And then he said: "But i definitely hope we can still be friends..."
Here are some of his finest moments:
"We're just friends, and that's all we ever will be."
"Will you scratch my back?"
"Just because you're not good enough for me doesn't mean you're not good enough for someone else."
"It's so sexy when you wear those boots with a skirt."
"I feel like such a stud because you're only 19."
Here's to all the single ladies. Because we don't want to play games.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Knight In Shining Armor or Fool In Wrinkly Tinfoil?
You know that boy that changed your life? The one relationship that altered your outlook on every other relationship, formed who you are, and permanently adjusted everything you previously thought about men? We all have one. I met a guy... Or so the story goes. He rocked the very foundation my world was oh-so-firmly planted on. Never before, and never again, will a man effect me the way I let him. Here goes nothing.
Freshly out of high school, very newly single, and looking for a new adventure, I spent almost all of my time searching high and low for my next adrenaline rush. And then my best friend casually suggested I meet this guy. The first time we met, I didn't say more than three words. There was so much to take in. From his big diesel truck and cowboy boots to his pierced ears, messy blonde hair and sunglasses, there wasn't a thing I disliked. He may as well have been on a horse, gleaming in he sun. I was hooked. He was different from any guy I'd ever wanted, so bold and dangerously sexy. We were in constant communication from the beginning, practically inseparable. All dreams come to an end, though, and mine was cut short exactly one week later.
He ditched me with no notice and left me hanging by myself for the first time a week to the day after we met. He called to say he was on his way and then just... Never came. Five hours later I received a nonchalant text message. Red flag number one, but of course I forgave him. After an amazing weekend, we repeated the pattern. From that first time he made me sob uncontrollably, my life was never the same. I spent more time aimlessly driving in the middle of the night, wandering around on random walking trails, and sitting in scenic lookout points than there were hours in the day. I waited on pins and needles for him to summon me, knowing my desire to see him didn't make a lick of difference. And that was just the way it was.
Being head over heels for an egotistical scumbag is never easy. I responded to every late night call and random request, hoping that he'd love me back soon. Four months in to this hot pathetic mess, dynamics changed. He had decided to move to North Carolina to work the oil rigs, and he had decided he wanted a girlfriend waiting at home for him. And so, I was granted an official title. For a whopping six days, I had everything I wanted. Never in life have I hated texting as much as I did that night, when I read his cowardly "we need to just be friends" message. We went two weeks without talking until his best friends informed him I was still an emotional train wreck and had cut off all my hair. He came swooping back into my life like every prince charming should. When he rolled up in front of my house the rumble of his engine captured my attention and his all consuming kiss stole my breath. Until he decided he didn't like how much he liked me. And that was that.
I endured six of the most excruciating months of my life, and then I realized he was just a stupid fool in tinfoil, so I moved my pathetic and shattered heart across the country. From August to December, he left and came back a grand total of eight times. It takes a lot to pick up the pieces from such thorough emotional, physical, and verbal abuse. I discovered that two months of recovery isn't enough when he called me two days ago. He loves me now. Wants me to come home, settle down, and take care of him like I did so well. And you know what I have to say to him? Six months was too much, you had your chance, and I am home and happy here without you. I'm just not that girl anymore.
It hurts like ripping open a week old wound, feels fresh and real enough to have happened yesterday, and will never completely go away. But I'm stronger now, and I'm refined. Diamonds are beautiful in the rough, but isn't majestic what a little heat and pressure can do?
Here's to all the single ladies. Because if he didn't want you then, he sure as heck doesn't deserve you now.
He ditched me with no notice and left me hanging by myself for the first time a week to the day after we met. He called to say he was on his way and then just... Never came. Five hours later I received a nonchalant text message. Red flag number one, but of course I forgave him. After an amazing weekend, we repeated the pattern. From that first time he made me sob uncontrollably, my life was never the same. I spent more time aimlessly driving in the middle of the night, wandering around on random walking trails, and sitting in scenic lookout points than there were hours in the day. I waited on pins and needles for him to summon me, knowing my desire to see him didn't make a lick of difference. And that was just the way it was.
Being head over heels for an egotistical scumbag is never easy. I responded to every late night call and random request, hoping that he'd love me back soon. Four months in to this hot pathetic mess, dynamics changed. He had decided to move to North Carolina to work the oil rigs, and he had decided he wanted a girlfriend waiting at home for him. And so, I was granted an official title. For a whopping six days, I had everything I wanted. Never in life have I hated texting as much as I did that night, when I read his cowardly "we need to just be friends" message. We went two weeks without talking until his best friends informed him I was still an emotional train wreck and had cut off all my hair. He came swooping back into my life like every prince charming should. When he rolled up in front of my house the rumble of his engine captured my attention and his all consuming kiss stole my breath. Until he decided he didn't like how much he liked me. And that was that.
I endured six of the most excruciating months of my life, and then I realized he was just a stupid fool in tinfoil, so I moved my pathetic and shattered heart across the country. From August to December, he left and came back a grand total of eight times. It takes a lot to pick up the pieces from such thorough emotional, physical, and verbal abuse. I discovered that two months of recovery isn't enough when he called me two days ago. He loves me now. Wants me to come home, settle down, and take care of him like I did so well. And you know what I have to say to him? Six months was too much, you had your chance, and I am home and happy here without you. I'm just not that girl anymore.
It hurts like ripping open a week old wound, feels fresh and real enough to have happened yesterday, and will never completely go away. But I'm stronger now, and I'm refined. Diamonds are beautiful in the rough, but isn't majestic what a little heat and pressure can do?
Here's to all the single ladies. Because if he didn't want you then, he sure as heck doesn't deserve you now.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Mr. "You're My #2"
We all have romantic histories. That is something that is inevitable. Even if the history is a lack of history, it's still significant. Our histories and experiences have a large influence in shaping who we are today, especially where relationships are concerned. While we all can acknowledge this is factual, that doesn't mean we want to hear about the past. I am a very jealous person when it comes to my boyfriend's exes. I can't handle them. At all. I will not be compared to them or spoken to about them, and definitely won't tolerate them still being in the picture. That being said, I'd like to introduce you to Mr. "You're My Number Two".
Handsome, in the Army, and just a bit too into himself, he's the type to: leave all the lights on during a movie, use everything you ever said to him as an inside joke when other people are around, and always hang out but never date or pay for anything.
I had only been in my new house for four days when I went to a church meeting and met this guy. The first words he said to me we're "I need a hair cut". As a hairstylist, I have a love hate relationship with this sentence. I love to hate people who say it to me. Your needs are not my problem, especially seeing as I literally just met you. Alas, two days later he added me on facebook and asked if I would do it for him. We ended up hanging out a few times in a row. Not long after we met, he informed me that he would be leaving in about a week to special training, or something. Then he proceeded to basically ask me to wait for him, in a very round about and awkward way. We had a very premature DTR and he said a boat load of sickly sweet things. A few days later, I was kind of over it when I read a very dramatic post on Facebook that was obviously about me. I confronted him about acting like a thirteen year old girl and he proceeded to inform me the post was actually about the girl he is "in love with".
I'm sorry... Come again? Say what? Who the heck do you think you are? Never, never, never tell a girl you are trying to woo that you are in love with another girl.
Anyway, I informed him that I was done and he responded by driving twenty minutes to my house at two thirty in the morning and sitting there for half an hour while calling me ten million times and trying to get me to come talk to him. A few days later he left. I received a giant text informing me that I was a very special girl and he was sorry I unfairly denied him the chance to explain himself face to face. Oh, and he hopes, through all of our differences, that we can still "be friends". The end!
Here are a few of my favorite quotes:
"So... Do you still cut hair?"
"Want to hang out tomorrow? What about the next day too?"
"If you were a diamond in the rough, you'd be at least a 40 C."
"I even brought you taco bell because I didn't know how else to fix this."
"Thankfully the call to war has made it easy for me to disappear from your life."
Here's to all the single ladies. Because we deserve to be #1.
Handsome, in the Army, and just a bit too into himself, he's the type to: leave all the lights on during a movie, use everything you ever said to him as an inside joke when other people are around, and always hang out but never date or pay for anything.
I had only been in my new house for four days when I went to a church meeting and met this guy. The first words he said to me we're "I need a hair cut". As a hairstylist, I have a love hate relationship with this sentence. I love to hate people who say it to me. Your needs are not my problem, especially seeing as I literally just met you. Alas, two days later he added me on facebook and asked if I would do it for him. We ended up hanging out a few times in a row. Not long after we met, he informed me that he would be leaving in about a week to special training, or something. Then he proceeded to basically ask me to wait for him, in a very round about and awkward way. We had a very premature DTR and he said a boat load of sickly sweet things. A few days later, I was kind of over it when I read a very dramatic post on Facebook that was obviously about me. I confronted him about acting like a thirteen year old girl and he proceeded to inform me the post was actually about the girl he is "in love with".
I'm sorry... Come again? Say what? Who the heck do you think you are? Never, never, never tell a girl you are trying to woo that you are in love with another girl.
Anyway, I informed him that I was done and he responded by driving twenty minutes to my house at two thirty in the morning and sitting there for half an hour while calling me ten million times and trying to get me to come talk to him. A few days later he left. I received a giant text informing me that I was a very special girl and he was sorry I unfairly denied him the chance to explain himself face to face. Oh, and he hopes, through all of our differences, that we can still "be friends". The end!
Here are a few of my favorite quotes:
"So... Do you still cut hair?"
"Want to hang out tomorrow? What about the next day too?"
"If you were a diamond in the rough, you'd be at least a 40 C."
"I even brought you taco bell because I didn't know how else to fix this."
"Thankfully the call to war has made it easy for me to disappear from your life."
Here's to all the single ladies. Because we deserve to be #1.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
The "Let's Be Friends" Epidemic
Raise your hand if you are so done hearing the phrases "I'm not looking for a relationship right now" and "Let's just be friends, ok?". Did you? Because my hand is way way up and waving around like a lunatic. Two months ago I moved across the country. Since then I have heard these words from... Wait for it... FOUR GUYS! Before a DTR, before a date, even before hanging out these men feel it necessary to proclaim their desire for a bachelor lifestyle. Really? Why is it so strange to date casually? I'm not looking for a contract. I don't even want you to call me the next day. Casual dating is a good time, and everyone should be into it. Boys: Here's a challenge. Go find a girl that you are not romantically interested in, but genuinely enjoy talking to. Take her to a local comedy club. Enjoy yourself. Girls: Here's a challenge. Stop being so clingy and eager to "define the relationship". Just let him take you out, and quit obsessing.
For your entertainment, I will be highlighting each of my very special "friends". Nobody I know will be reading this, so I am safe being totally candid, although still anonymous. These boys are getting out of control with their egos, their hair, and their female versions of prince charming. I am a woman, not your personal masseuse, chef, or maid. You are not doing me a favor by allowing me to be your friend. Want special treatment? Earn it.
Here's to all the single ladies. Because we don't need any more "friends".
For your entertainment, I will be highlighting each of my very special "friends". Nobody I know will be reading this, so I am safe being totally candid, although still anonymous. These boys are getting out of control with their egos, their hair, and their female versions of prince charming. I am a woman, not your personal masseuse, chef, or maid. You are not doing me a favor by allowing me to be your friend. Want special treatment? Earn it.
Here's to all the single ladies. Because we don't need any more "friends".
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
All The Single Ladies
Tonight it took me fifteen minutes to open a tin food storage can of sugar. After a long and hard struggle with the can opener, two bruised hands, and a pretty good sized cut, I finally managed to forcefully pry the mangled top off of the stubborn can. All for about a tablespoon of sugar to finish making dinner. The babies were running a muck. The seven year old was picking a fight with the five year old. To refrain from killing the dog, I had shut her in the basement. After a nine hour work shift on my feet, I was so ready for someone else to intervene. And then I caught myself thinking: "Maybe this right here is the reason we need men. To open the dang can of sugar."
That thought right there is exactly what inspired this whole idea. Although the kids and dog aren't mine, they may as well have been tonight, and who says I need a man? I can work a whole day and then come home to make German pancakes, have a dance party, reprimand misbehaving little hooligans, change two explosive diapers, conduct bath and bedtime, and still have everyone in bed half an hour early. All without any type of man by my side. I'm sure there are so many lessons to learn here. I can practically hear my mommy saying, "You don't need a man to do it for you, just one to know who you are and help you along the way." And my aunt insists, "You're better off as you for now, but eventually you'll settle, when the time is right." My brother presses his opinion into my mind with an impactful "What are you waiting for? Find yourself a man!"
After all these options, though, I'm only taking one thing away from my sugar can experience: If I think I need a strong, masculine presence to do the tough things for me, maybe it's just simply time for me to start going to the gym.
Here's to all the single ladies. Because we can do hard things.
That thought right there is exactly what inspired this whole idea. Although the kids and dog aren't mine, they may as well have been tonight, and who says I need a man? I can work a whole day and then come home to make German pancakes, have a dance party, reprimand misbehaving little hooligans, change two explosive diapers, conduct bath and bedtime, and still have everyone in bed half an hour early. All without any type of man by my side. I'm sure there are so many lessons to learn here. I can practically hear my mommy saying, "You don't need a man to do it for you, just one to know who you are and help you along the way." And my aunt insists, "You're better off as you for now, but eventually you'll settle, when the time is right." My brother presses his opinion into my mind with an impactful "What are you waiting for? Find yourself a man!"
After all these options, though, I'm only taking one thing away from my sugar can experience: If I think I need a strong, masculine presence to do the tough things for me, maybe it's just simply time for me to start going to the gym.
Here's to all the single ladies. Because we can do hard things.
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